Tuesday, May 6, 2008

No "Yay" for PTO Day

Yesterday’s trip to Flag must have been extra tiring or maybe it was going for the #4 spicy with the curry but I only got a couple of hours sleep. So after going into the office for 30 minutes, I took a PTO day to try and sleep. I hate wasting a PTO day just on being fragged, but I just couldn't concentrate on anything. What a weenie. Oh well, it's May and my first sick day of the year.

It’s weird the thoughts one has while laying on a couch in a semi-awake state. I think everyone has experienced this. There is a comforting silence broken only by the ticking of the clock and the rhythmic sound of the ceiling fan wobbling. My mind wandered about and I started thinking about a news article from a couple of weeks ago stating that scientists had modeled a Neanderthal larynx and were trying to decide what he/she may have sounded like, which prompted this ditty:

The scientific world is all a-buzzin'
about the vocal abilities of our ancient cousin
Just when one thought one had heard it all
one can now listen to a Neanderthal
How does he sound, this ancient man?
Like Laurence Olivier, or Charlie Chan?
It really is quite an amazing stunt
to give any accent to a snort or a grunt
If he were here right now, I know what he'd cite
"Who got cut from American Idol last night?"


The next day, our world beloved commander-in-chief was in Paris at a world summit on global warming. His comments prompted the German representative to call his plan, “Neanderthal.” Coincidence? I then was forced to compose another little bit of prose:

Yesterday we heard that scientists found
how a Neanderthal's speech really does sound
They could have more wisely spent their grants
by traveling to beautiful Paris, France
They'd find their answer without much trouble, too
They'd only have to listen to our George W.
Then discuss if global warming is caused by the libido
Followed by watching semi-nude girls dancing at the Lido

Back to my original train of thought (my sleep deprived mind is wandering), whilst dosing and pondering upon this important news, I had the epiphany that Neanderthal man probably would have appreciated a little global warming during the Ice Age. At least he wouldn’t have then been forced to tell every woman, "It’s shrinkage!!!!"

And now for the obligatory blog rant. This is a message for the young “garcon” at Zinc Bistro. If you are going to be snooty and dashing at the same time, learn to pour the Duvel properly. I can forgive not having the proper glass and substituting a large snifter as replacement, but for Pete’s sake, angle the glass while pouring!!! Even the label shows how to do it. If you are going to be a proper French garcon, walk the snoot, be the snoot. Annoy the patrons by having your nose in the air, not by being ignorant. Also, you do not want to make customers feel special by having an "off-hour" menu. You want them to feel small and foolish. “Our regular menu is wide and varied but is reserved for those who know the proper time to eat. For the unwashed masses who are too stupid to know better, we have the Off-Hour menu featuring Pates a Gratin or, *sniff*, Mac and Cheese as you silly Americans say. Because you are ignorance personified, you must pay $12.95 for the privilege of stating that it is the best you have ever eaten.” Learn that attitude and I guarantee you will be serving officials of the Global Warming Summit on the Champs Elysée soon.

Now that I have unburdened my soul, I can finally snooze in blissful peace.

1 comment:

Anna said...

Ok, I am in awe. I love the Neanderthal stuff and who can touch the comparison to our fearless leader!

But, the Crème de la crème is "talk the snoot, walk the snoot." I hated that old corporate verbage about "the talk," however you have clearly created the new rage phrase, or should I say so you are so avant garde the trendsetters can't quite envision the trail you blaze.

I am delighted you are capturing your wit and occasionally some wisdom in your new blog. Great start. Definitely will be a frequent visitor.