Monday, June 30, 2008
Most people, after shaking my hand, try very hard not to look at it. They fight the urge but then started glancing down. Almost like a man talking to a woman and battling the desire to look at her breasts. (I never do, I'm a gentleman). But they need to know what felt so different. No matter how hard they try to concentrate on where the conversational path is heading, they are distracted. It is like being at a party and you are talking to a total stranger who has a big piece of food stuck to the side of his mouth. The relationship is not close enough to say, "Hey Dude. You got, like, a totally gross piece of cabbage stuck to your face. Jeez!" so you try not to stare, but no matter how hard you try, you keep staring at it until all else in the universe disappears and all that exists is that one piece of cabbage. Then he thinks you are a total moron and leaves to find someone else more intellectually stimulating or who will point out that he is a slob.
That's how it is with my hand for strangers. All else disappears and their thoughts are invariably drawn to my hand. My small hand is my piece of cabbage.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
It's hot in the garage, though. 109 DegF!!! As you can see Jack is prepared for the weather. I am reminded of a song by the Dusty Chaps:
I had another "three fingered moment" today but the pain from hitting my finger with a rubber mallet drove it from my mind.
My legs are still sore from yesterday’s run
Mashing my finger today was not much more fun
Scarlett O’Hara did say
"Tomorrow’s another day"
“Really?”, is my response to you, moron.
I actually had someone say "tomorrow's another day" to me earlier in the week after they were complaining about some trivial matter (unlike my trivial matters which are extremely important). I am constantly amazed at the pseudo-philosophical platitudes that people live by. "Tomorrow's another day?" I would certainly hope so. How about, "Everyday is today some day?" Or, "Yesterday was another day?" I have always felt better when someone says, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Wow. That's profound. Especially to the condemned man on the gallows. The one song from the musical Annie that I always detested is "Tomorrow." You bet your bottom dollar I do. The Romans had a more realistic view of "today" which they put on epitaphs, "hodie mihi, cras tibi." Today to me, tomorrow to you. In other words, "Maybe I'm having a three fingered moment today, but tomorrow it'll be you." Well....I took some liberties with that paraphrase.
Maybe I shouldn't be too snooty because of the poor quality of the little poems I throw in this blog. When I can write like Ogden Nash, then I can be judgemental. But to end my little rant I will quote from a real philosopher, somebody who has a clear and consise vision of change. I give you.....Snoopy: "Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement." You can actually use that line for anything or anyone. For example, William Shatner. "Yes...terday...I...was...William Shatner. Today....I'm....William Shatner...Tomorrow...I'll probably still...be...William Shatner. Sigh! There's so..little hope... to be Leonard..Nimoy."
Yesterday I had a three fingered moment, today I had a three fingered moment and tomorrow I'll probably still have a three fingered moment. Sigh! There's so little hope for getting a fourth finger.
Now that I have finished frothing at the mouth with my holier-than-thou attitude, I admit that I, perchance, may have over reacted a bit. It'll be better tomorrow.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I love watching people run. It is amazing to see someone who looks like a goofball standing still just fly with a beautiful, natural style. Others run with the Marvin the Martian stride. They don't bend their knees, they just move their feet back and forth at a very high rate of speed. I, myself, use the "Stick-Up-The-Butt" technique. It looks awkward, but has the advantage of keeping the competition in stitches from laughing so they lose a bit of speed. I have to use what God's given me. In this case, fortunately, a sense of humor about my lack of running style and/or skill.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Look for Trevino in the list on the left of screen.
I did have my daily "Three Fingered Frank" moment afterwards. I was so fragged I put my t-shirt on backwards. As I headed over to the convenience store to load up on water and gatorade, the girl parked next to me said, "Hey, I think your shirt is on backwards." I replied, "That's so I remember where I've been." Two points strike me in retrospect. One: That even sick, I am still a smartass. Two: I must have been in bad shape because at the time I thought it was a hilarious comeback.
Well, France is out of the Euro Cup. Italy beat them up in a 2-0 romp. Lowlights were Ribery hurting his leg 10 minutes in and Abidal getting the boot after drawing a red card in the 24th minute, so Les Bleus were at 10 men the rest of the match. I was proud that they held Italy to only 2 goals (they were lucky it was that low), one of which was helped into the goal accidently by Henry. The French threatened but could not make the shots. Oh well, I'll root for Germany Thursday in the match against Portugal. That should be a great game.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Tomorrow is the big Euro Cup '08 day. France meets Italy with a trip to the quarter finals on the line. I will be embarassing myself at work with my World Cup '98 jersey on, but France must win! I still have to congratulate Timo on his team's (Netherlands) win over les Bleus, but I am still choking on my words. But I guess I have to admit that the sun will shine on every dog's butt someday and the sun is shining on Holland so...congratulations. The strange thing is that I am also half Italian but I just can't bring myself to root for the Azzuri. They play with passion, they beat my team in 2006 for the World Cup title, but I...I...I..prefer Germany for my second team. There, I said it! I admit it. So if France doesn't make it tomorrow, I'll root for the Deutsch. I am so ashamed......Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Child 1:"Dad says to clean your room!"
Child 2: "I don't hafta listen to you!"
Child 1: "Do so!"
Child 2: "Do not!!!"
The upshot of all this is that now I am more aware of how I phrase things. I want to be more precise so there is no misunderstanding in what I am trying to say. I have to feed the cat but he does not have to poop in my shoe. You do not have to agree.
France lost to the Dutch 4-1 in EuroCup 2008 action today. *sob* They did not have to lose, but they did. Will the make the next round? Je ne sais pas.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
" Words implied, but not stated, shall be inferred, as the sense requires."
" Singular words shall be interpreted as plural, and plural words shall be interpreted as singular where applicable ..."
"Imperative mood and streamlined language are generally used in the Specifications. Occasionally, the indicative or subjunctive mood may be used...."
Get out of here with the imperative mood! Although, if I had studied more in school, I probably would understand the subjunctive mood. I prefer the indicative mood, myself.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Two Hot Tomaters, Salmonella, Value Meals, Happy B-Day Ma, and Do I Have the Legs to Wear This Dress?
The "potential" first lady headline had me laughing because a following sub-title stated that the difference between their husbands was even greater. Gee. You think so? I get confused differentiating between the candidates every time I see or hear them. I promised myself I would never use this blog as a political forum, but this is how the article started:
Obama, wife of Democratic candidate Barack Obama, and McCain, who is married to Republican John McCain, are both known for an elegant sense of style, lending glamour to their husbands' campaigns.
McCain posed in size zero jeans for the latest issue of Vogue. Obama, who has also appeared in the fashion magazine, was praised by style writers for the violet sheath dress she wore to her husband's Democratic nomination victory rally and has been compared to former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy.
It's seems to be normal journalism these days to compare the sartorial sense of women before getting into real issues; their positions on policy, etc... I pray for the day when an article on the differences between Obama and McCain will start off with:
Mr. Obama was stunning in his well fitting gray Armani suit. Mr McCain suffered a slight fashion faux-pas when the pant legs of his Men's Wearhouse suit were cut a bit short revealing mismatched socks. However, his wonderful tie and shirt combination allow us to forgive this slight miscalculation on his part.
Plus, what's up with the "lending glamour to their campaigns" line? Does that mean they can take the glamour back at any time? What are the terms of this loan? As voters I think we need to know the interest rate on this loan...or...maybe not....
"Okay, for two days of glamour in Indiana, you pumice my corns. For a day in Louisiana, you add, 'Yes Mistress' to everything you say to me. Otherwise you are on your own and you know I make you look good!"
Maybe I am just a bit jealous because I no longer fit into my size zero Calvin Klein's . I know at one time I was much smaller than I currently am because years ago, while dressing in the dark, I inadvertently put on Kelly's jeans and was almost to the office before I realized my mistake. They did seem a little tight in the ankle and my co-workers thought they made my butt look big. My kids are still wondering about that incident (and also the one with the dress. Hey it was an accident! But I do admit to a wonderful feeling of freedom).
But speaking of hot tomatoes, there seems to be another outbreak of food poisoning. This issue stands out because Chuck, Marilyn, and Amy are suffering from gastro-intestinal malaise brought on by bad food. So in their honor.
After praying to a porcelain god
one has thoughts that can be odd
Especially as one does choke
On an undercooked fried egg yolk
What exactly are nature's laws?
Are they effect or are they cause?
All I know as I clench my buns,
it's not only yolks that get the runs.
In the soft early morn's gloaming
are the sounds of somebody moaning
for bad whipped creams
leaves one, it seems
at the porcelain god's altar atoning
Yes I know I used porcelain god twice, but I am just happy to know how to spell it. It reminds me of porcine which is one of my favorite words. Use as an adjuective and you will feel better. You cannot say, "I play in a porcelain porcine polka band" without smiling. Use it to an insult. "Excuse me sir, but your porcine eating habits are leading me to feel ill." I just wish I knew what it means.
If you feel like an underachiever (as I do quite often), visit Anna's blog at Value Meals on the Volga. I guarantee you will feel more like a slacker than ever. But it is a great read. I am amazed at how much she accomplishes. An inspiration (and one of the reasons you get to read this blog).
Last, but not least, Happy Birthday Ma!!! You've been gone 33 years and I still miss you!!!
Now, please excuse me. I have some tomatoes to eat.
Monday, June 9, 2008
I knew it was going to be an interesting start to the work week when the office coffee tasted like, well, like crap. A little sugar and cream and I hoped it would at least be palatable. The first sign that I was to be disappointed was the swizzle stick coming out of the cup melted.
The French football team started off their 2008 Eurocup campaign against Romania. I have nothing personally against the Romanians, but Les Bleus are supposed to win. Alas and alack, it was a nil-nil draw. Gasp. unheard of. Unthinkable. Then the Netherlands crushed Italy in the same group, 3-0, thereby taking command of the group standings. It's going to be very tough for France to progress, with upcoming games against the Dutch and Italy. Very tough. sigh.....
From Jamaica came Karma John
Who'd say, "I love my Dharma, mon."
But when he died
His spirit sighed
For he came back as grated Parmesan
It's a bit frustrating trying to get this update posted since my cat, Hoagy Charmichael, is trying to help me type. He's not helping.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Went back up to Flag for a nice long road ride in gale force winds. Fortunately my weight prevented me from being blown off the road. Amy, being a light weight (pun intended) suffered. Others didn't seem to be that affected by the wind. All this fun was followed by lunch at Mountain Oasis. The Shitake rolls are awesome. My falafel plate was comme ci, comme ca. The Lemon Tart at Macy's for dessert was worth the drive. There's more, but not enough room to describe it. Suffice it to say I got home at 1:45am. Now, that's a good time!!!!
On Sunday I subbed for the regular bass player, at Oasis Community Church, who couldn't play. I hadn't played in almost two years, but it all came back quickly. I really hit the groove in practice but what Three Fingered experience can pass without at least one embarassing moment. I was flying through the opening song during the service, but I couldn't hear anything through the amp. Yep, I got half way through the song before realizing that the amp was off. What a Gaboik. I should be happy that I only had the one major faux pas. Usually, there are quite a few more. The regular bass player happened to show up and I have never seen anyone so not worried about being shown up by the replacement. But he did say that the part where my amp was off was the best bass playing he had ever heard.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
when I saw sweet Sprout
and how she was overjoyed
to smell my crotch with her snout